What NOT to say to your QA

It's a feature, not a bug.

But why would you even do that?

QAs are just failed developers.

My code is perfect, I don't write bugs.

You're not supposed to do that in the app.

It's a design error, not a bug.

I'm not fixing that.

Why are you worried about that? No one ever does THAT...

QAs aren't technical, they don't need to attend to that meeting.

You're testing it wrong.

This doesn't concern QA.

Get me on %MANAGER%'s calendar for tomorrow afternoon.

It works on MY machine, so it's fine.

Load testing is for developers to do, not QAs.

We turned off all the tests.

The user will never be able to do that, so it's an invalid test.

It'll be fine in production.

You're using invalid data, that's why you think it's a bug.

This way is better.

You need to take notes in the meeting for everyone. QA can do that admin task, they're not doing anything worthwhile.

Where are the batteries kept?

This has to be tested by developers, not QA

Can you hurry up? We have a deadline.

I thought you were a nice person.

So when will you be DONE?

(Some mine, others collected from Asynchrony QAs Slack channel.)